


4th of July

by Kimyonaelio



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 07:07:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6556663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimyonaelio/pseuds/Kimyonaelio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's America's birthday but he is far from happy...</p>
            </blockquote>





	4th of July

America's POV

The 4th of July used to be the best day of the year, my birthday. I used to throw a big party and have the best fireworks in the country. But that was three years ago. Now days I just sit alone drinking and thinking about /him/.   
I lift the whiskey bottle and take another swig, the now familiar, burning sensation as the drink makes it's way down my throat.  
How much hasn't the world changed since then? Or maybe it is just me who has changed? The world meetings no longer stray from topic and there is a gloomy feel over everything, no one feels like smiling as his chair still taunts us with being empty. How could we not have found the new personification? Would it really be one? Or would his chair remain empty forever? This had never happened before, heck we didn't even think it was possible, but here we are, one country short and the rest wondering how they didn't notice it.

~~~~~~~~~

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!!!” Gilbert shouts over the loud music. He has half a bottle of beer in his hand and considering how speaks this is far from his first. “This must be your best celebration yet!” he continues, slurring a bit.

“Haha thanks dude” I answer taking a sip from my coke.

“It is, but I must ask, where is your boyfriend? I haven't seen him all evening…” Francis asks as he appears from seemingly nowhere, also he with a glass in his hand.

“He said he had some business to take care of back in England.” I can't help but let the disappointment I feel show on my face. England and I have been dating for years now and still he always comes up with a excuse to not come to my birthday parties.

“I'm sure it was important” Francis says with a sympathetic smile.

“Haha yea totally, no one would miss this on purpose” I joke, my signature smile returning.  
We continue chatting for a while until I see that it's time for the fun stuff.

“Time for fireworks!” I shout and everyone cheers and starts making their way outside. I put up the first ‘super firework box’ and light it. I make my way to the back of the crowd and see the light shoot up into the dark sky. Just as the first light explodes to smaller ones, my body goes numb and I fall to the ground. The explosions continue but my focus is not on them anymore, it's on the emptiness I'm feeling. France turns around with a confused look on his face but when he sees me laying on the ground, struggling to get up, his expression turns to worry and he rushes over.

“Alfred, what's wrong?” he asks as he tries to help me to get up.

“A-Arthur” I mumble panicked. “Something is wrong with Arthur.” I finally get up and sprint into the house. I needed to call Arthur. I reach my room where I'd left my phone before. I see that I has a new text, from Arthur, delivered about 30 minutes earlier. With shaky hands I unlock my phone and and open the message. I take a deep breath before I start reading.  
As I reach the end of the text, my mind is racing. This couldn’t be true. My phone slips through my hands on to the floor but I don’t care. I don’t notice when tears start dripping from my eyes or when they go over to a steady flow. It feels as if I’m sitting there, on the edge of my bed, just staring in front of me, for forever but it’s probably just a few minutes before France enters my room. He has red puffy eyes and he holds his phone in his right hand, indicating he to has gotten a text. When he sees my phone on the floor he picks it up and with a look he asks if it is okay for him to read and I slowly nod. The word had etched themselves into my brain and I found myself reciting the text in my head as Francis read it. 

/ Hello Alfred  
When you read this I’ll be dead. I’m really sorry to put you through this but I just can’t go on living anymore. After what I’ve done how can I? I have done so many horrible things to you, your people and to France, just to say the most important ones. How can you even look at me and moreover, how can you say that you love me? I was and still am a horrible person who can’t do anything right, I can’t even get myself to attend your birthday celebrations. Losing you is by far the worst thing to happen to me, I was devastated, I loved you so much and you left. Everyone did. When you then came back and said that you loved me, not as my brother but as an equal, I was overjoyed. I do understand why you did it and I probably would have done the same but it still hurts. I thought it would get easier with time but it isn’t. My guilt grows more and more with each day that goes by and I can’t ignore everything people say about me anymore. You may think I don’t hear but I do. And you are right, I am a freak, I am boring and I am just a pain in the ass for everyone, so I don’t blame anyone for just saying the truth.  
I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I will always be there with you so please be happy, be the goofy America I love.  
Farewell my Love /

As he reads my tears stop and I am left again staring blankly out in front of me. I feel the bed shift and turn my head to see that Francis has sat down next to me.

“Give me my phone” I suddenly say sternly and hold out my hand.

“Alfred?” He asks but hands me the phone either way.

“I’m not taking this shit, this joke or whatever has gone too far” I answer as I take out Arthur’s contact and and press call. I put the phone to my ear and wait patiently for him to pick up. However it soon reached voice-mail instead and I irritatedly try again, and again, and again until Francis put a hand on my shoulder. 

“I’m sorry…” I swat his hand away, now fuming with anger. I throw my phone across the room and it hits the opposite wall with a bang as I scream as loud as I can. I get up and start pacing around not noticing all the guests rushing over. Nor do I notice Francis going over to them saying something and closing the door in their faces.

“How could he!!? Why didn’t he say anything!? Wh-why did he… Why!?!?” I scream at France

“Calm down, I know you are ups-”

“Calm down!? Who gave him the right to… How could he leave me!?” This time I feel the tears creeping up in my eyes and I feel them spilling over the edges.

“Why… why?” I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, my knees pressed against my chest and I start crying uncontrollably.   
France gets up from the bed and sits down next to me, putting his arms around me in a warm embrace. He doesn’t say anything, just holds me, patting my back, and I let my head fall to his shoulder.  
We sit there, even after tears stops falling from my eyes, until I feel calm enough to function again. I lift my head and look at France who is looking out through my window, his eyes redder and puffier than earlier and I realise he probably has been crying just as much as me. It starts becoming a bit awkward so I cough a bit to get France attention. He turns his head and withdraws his arms.

“I’m really sorry mon ami. Are you going to be alright?” I nod even though I know I’m not.

“Do you think you can tell the others? I don’t think I can and I probably have to go to England and tell his brothers…”

“Oui, I’ll call for an emergency meeting tomorrow” he stands up. “I’ll go now, try to get some sleep and go to England in the morning” he reaches the door. “And don’t worry about the guests, I told them to go home earlier” I nod and he disappears.  
I sit still a while longer before getting up, just to fall, face down, onto my bed. Not feeling like moving to much, I crawl under the covers and after a hour or so I fall asleep, not bothered with that I’m still wearing my jeans and t-shirt.

~~~~~~~~~

I take another swig of the bottle only to realise it’s already empty so I get up and get a new one as my thoughts keep wandering.

~~~~~~~~~~   
The trip to England had been everything but pleasant, it was pouring all the time and the streets were next to empty. The few that were out looked lost as if the didn’t know what they were doing anymore. I had called Arthur’s brothers, telling them to meet me at his place as soon as they could.  
When I arrived at the house, wet to the bone, I hesitated. Was I really ready for this? No I wasn’t but I knew I never would be, so I opened the door and entered the dark hall. I remember that it was scarily quiet in the house, like in horror movies, and it was so dusty you couldn’t believe it was just yesterday someone was in there. Carefully I made my way through all the rooms not finding anything. I reached the last room met with a closed door, his bedroom, and I knew that’s where I would find it. My hand shook like crazy as I reached out and slowly opened it. My eyes searched around and almost immediately found him, lying on his bed looking like he was simply asleep. I had thought that maybe it had just been a bad dream and he would wake up and in a confused manner ask why I was there, but then I saw the empty pill bottle and I knew he wouldn’t. He would never wake up, he would never look at me with those emerald green eyes, never be annoyed with me for making fun of his eyebrows, he would never do anything again.   
I made my way over to him, sitting down next to him on the bed and gently I started stroking his hair as tears again started to fall. Through my tears I saw that he was holding something in his hand and I carefully pried it out of his dead hand to get a better look. I stare in shock, in my hand was the wooden soldier England had given me when I was a child. Did he really save it all these years? I turned to put it on the nightstand when something else caught my eye, a small silver object lying next to the bottle. I wiped my eyes and took a closer look, it appeared to be a razor blade. I slowly turned back to my dead boyfriend and took a deep breath before pulling up the sleeve of his shirt. His arm underneath was covered in scars in different stages of healing. I looked at them confused, I had seen his body countless of times but never had there been a single scar, so how was there so many now? 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

I look at the gun laying on my table. It was tempting, just like last year, and the year before that. Would this year be the year I finally did it? I pick up the gun and my thoughts jump to right after Arthur’s funeral.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I made my way out of the church, past Allister, Semus, Dylan and Peter, who didn’t spare me as much as a look. They blamed me for not noticing Arthur’s condition and for not noticing his scars, and I didn’t blame them for blaming me, I blamed myself too. A bit ahead of me I saw the wavy blond hair of France and I hurried my steps to catch up with him.

“Hey France, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you…” I asked when I finally did. 

“Oh bonjour Alfred. What is it?”

“Eer..” I hesitated a bit, it was a rather personal thing I was about to ask after all. I steel myself and ask. “What did Artur write to you? In the text? You don’t have to say, I don’t know… I just wanted to know.” Suddenly he started looking really tired and old and I regretted asking. I was about to tell him it didn’t matter when he reached into his pocket, pressed some stuff and handed it to me. I looked at him again just to make sure it was okay and he nodded so I started reading.

/Hello frog. No sorry I’ll be civil for this, Hello France.  
There are a lot of stuff I want you to know but I’ve never had the courage to tell you. When you see this I will be dead so this is my last chance to tell you.   
France, the time we had together was many times wonderful but just as often horrible. We both know it would never work. You have always had a special place in my heart that no one can take not even Alfred. I know a lot of people see you as a pervert but I know you’re not, I know that you only act that way to hide the fact that you are still hurting after what I did to Johanne. I know you’ve never been able to love anyone again after that and I know that you prevent other countries from doing the same mistake, to not see them hurt the way you do. I am honestly so sorry for what I did to her, I honestly think I was jealous of her at the moment. I know that doesn’t justify the act and I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I still wanted to say I’m sorry and I hope you some time in the future will find it in your heart to forgive me.  
Before I go I do have something to ask you, even if I don’t have the right to, but please can you take care of Alfred for me. Don’t let him shut himself in like you did, please make sure he’s still happy.  
Farewell France/

I looked at him and handed back his phone. 

“I’m sorry” I said as I did, but he just shakes his head.

“He never realised that I’ve never blamed him for what happened to her, so I have nothing to forgive him for.” This time I nod. I started saying something again but Antonio walks up saying something to France and they both leave after a quick good bye.

~~~~~~~~~~

I take my phone from the table, unlock it and open a new text to France. I write a simple ‘sorry, I just can’t be happy without him. Good bye’ and send before I put the gun in my mouth and squeeze the trigger.

I open my eyes again. Wait what? Why did I open my eyes? I was supposed to be dead. I get up and look around. My eyes stops as I see someone in the doorway. He has blond, unruly hair and huge eyebrows above emerald green eyes. 

“Arthur?” I ask hesitantly, it couldn’t be… right?

“Hello you git. Who said it was okay for you to join me already?” He smiles a little. I look at him confused. Join him? I look back at the couch and see myself sitting there with my brain blown out. I turn back my head with a goofy smile.

“The same who said it was okay for you to leave me”.

“Idiot” he steps forward and embraces me. “It’s good too see you again”.

“It’s good to see you too, I’ve missed you so much”.

“I told you, I’ve always been by your side” he smiles. “Come on, it’s time to go”.

“Where?” I ask confused.

“Who knows, usually known it’s called ‘the light’ but who knows what awaits us on the other side. But at least we are together.” He starts leading me towards a small light I hadn’t noticed before and I just smile and willingly follow.

France POV

I was a block from Alfred’s house when my phone buzzed and I got the text. I had ran the rest of the way, hoping to arrive in time to stop him but when I had walked into the living room I was ready to turn on my heel and walk away as my dinner was making it’s way back up to say hello. Alfred had been lying in the sofa with a gun in his hand, blood and, what I guessed was brain, was splashed everywhere. I had called everyone and told them we were to have an emergency meeting today at my place. I was just waking up when I heard the doorbell ring. I walk down confused, it was still four hours to the meeting, so who was it? I open the door and looks at two small children outside. One of them had blond, unruly hair, emerald green eyes and huge eyebrows while the other had sandy blond hair with a cowlick and deep blue eyes. The blue eyed kid was running around while the other stood waiting with a scowl on his face. 

“Hello, I’m the United Kingdom of Britain and Northern Island, pleasure to meet you” The green eyed said. “You can call me Oliver”

“And I’m the United States of America!!!” The blue eyed scream as he runs in into England. 

“Can you stay still for ten bloody seconds Allen!?”

“Yea yea”

“Nice to meet you both I’m Francis, also known as France.” I smile at them. “would you like some breakfast?”

“Yeeeay breakfast!!!” Allen shouts as he sprints past me into my house.

“Some breakfast would be nice, thank you” I step aside and let him enter. 

“This is certainly is going to be interesting” I mumble as i close the door.


End file.
